Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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