i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
