so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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