this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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