he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize