the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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