I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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