Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
