You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
