I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
