Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
