D3 body, D1 cock
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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