they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
