You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
