Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
