She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
