here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
