:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
