Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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