If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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