I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
