a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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