He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
