if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize