i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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