I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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