the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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