Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
