I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i believe in u and ur pee
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
