I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
