I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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