A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
