The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
