Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
