I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
