I have demons in me.
one might say we're banned from that church
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
