yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
