So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
