I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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