Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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