Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
