The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
