I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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