Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
