If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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