He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
