So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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