as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
