I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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