I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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