Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
