oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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