She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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