Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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