what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
