She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
