I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
