I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
