1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
