o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
