just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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