he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
