She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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