you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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