whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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