it was like his penis was on wheels.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
