who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize