So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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